you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
