Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
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But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
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Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize