I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
