I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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