sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
