Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Couch. On fire.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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