if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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