We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
