I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
