you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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