i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
