she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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