Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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