I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
