david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
porn star boner night. come get it.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
