i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I feel like death gave me a hand job
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
