my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
