i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
