He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
