meet me or not, i'm out of control
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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