and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
