Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I party with great urgency now.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
