Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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