HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
