I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
