that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
