I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
