i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
