If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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