Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
