We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
