The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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