I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
