For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
