I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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