Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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