my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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