oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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