here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
