he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
