Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
