Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
