i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Randomize
