Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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