i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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