eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
