I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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