Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think I sprained my soul last night
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
