Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
