I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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