She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
