My nipple is on Facebook.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
