Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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