dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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