ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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