So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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