WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
