I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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