i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
