We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
