I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
