I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
